Sunday, October 7, 2012
Joyful Monkey had a particularly difficult night last night. It was a CGM and pump site change night. She was tired and not her typical, joyful self. As she was grumpy, I asked her if it was a tough D-day. She shook her head no. It seemed that she didn't want to succumb to self pity. I told her that it was okay to feel upset about Diabetes every once in a while. She started to cry and say that she wished she could just feel normal. I asked her what normal felt like. She said she didn't know. I asked her if she felt her sisters felt "normal". She didn't think they did. (Okay, world...clearly an "abnormal" house here.)
I couldn't think of anything else. I just started to pray out loud for her. I thanked God for the courage he gave her everyday. I thanked God for the joy she has always shown in spite of her Diabetes. I thanked him for the joy we could have, despite our feelings of sadness, because of the incredible gift he gave us on the cross. I thanked him for giving her this gift, so that someday she would worship him freely, without the grief and pain of this disease. I asked him to give her the courage she would need to fight this battle each day without losing her joy. I thanked him for the ways he was using this disease to strengthen her and build her character.
At the end of my prayer, she smiled. I told her that I felt like I should sing "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart!" She giggled and it was music to my ears.
I told her that she would probably go through many times when she would be upset or sad about Diabetes. I explained that she may spend a month of dealing with Diabetes daily, but not really giving it a second thought. Then, she'd have a couple days where she would just feel frustrated with it. I assured her that it was OKAY to feel that way....as long as we didn't stay in that place, as long as we didn't set up camp for longer than our couple days and as long as we remembered all the things we are blessed with.
As I encouraged her, I knew the Holy Spirit was giving me the words to say and was, in turn, encouraging my heart as well. It just reminded me again how lost we'd be without the Savior's love on this journey. I so desperately depend on His strength!