Friday, July 8, 2011


Music. Ahhhhh. The Lord uses music in our lives all the time to bring hope and healing. We use music to praise Him. And often, both collide. He brings us hope and healing as we praise Him.

Hallie's excitement and enthusiasm for Chris Tomlin's "Our God Is Greater" song parallel's Joyful Monkey's enthusiasm for Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go". Not long after JM's diagnosis, we sang this worship song at church. If you had looked down our row, you probably would have seen many in our family wiping tears from their eyes. The lyrics are so fitting for a Type 1 Diabetic whose hope is in Jesus. It's one of Joyful Monkey's favorites and because it means so much to her, it makes me cry all over again.

In fact, worship time at church has become an emotional affair for me. Worship (corporately in song) has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Until a few months ago, I was a part of the worship team at church, but I just can't do it anymore without crying. And for awhile, that bothered me. Why was I crying? My faith is strong. I'm not questioning my faith. Why am I crying all the time?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not wailing, or even sobbing. But, many a tear slide down my face throughout our corporate worship time on Sunday mornings. And it's not only a happy cry when reminded that we aren't alone in our struggles. It's a BITTERSWEET cry. Bitter because T1D is no joyride. Sweet because we don't take the journey alone.

It was only recently I realized why I'm crying. It's a sacrifice. And sacrifices HURT.

Sacrifice demands surrender, does it not? It's a sacrifice because I'm giving up the "WHY?" and choosing instead to trust Him through the storm. Ultimately, it's the sacrifice of my dreams for His will. It's a constant choice. And sometimes, that HURTS! But even when it hurts, He is so FAITHFUL!

I could turn my back or shake my fist at God. I could be angry and resentful. It's a sacrifice to say "I don't know why you've allowed my baby to struggle with all of this pain but I still choose to praise and honor You because You are the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). You are the same post-T1D diagnosis, as you were pre-T1D diagnosis. And I choose to trust that you will work all these things for good because we love You (Romans. 8:28). Not my will, but Your's be done."

Sacrifice: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim

Okay, enough about me crying and back to Kelsey's favorite song. She LOVES the part when it says "Oh no, You never let go...through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let every HIGH and every LOW. Oh no, You never let go. Oh, you never let go of me."

She takes comfort in the image of Jesus hanging onto her in every HIGH and every LOW she experiences...a beautiful picture. 

The song is on my playlist at the bottom of my blog. If you'd like to see the video, pause the playlist first. ; )

And just to throw it in, our family theme song that we chose right after her diagnosis..."Not Be Shaken" by David Ruis. No real pics but you can hear the song...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

My Rope

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

The end of my rope? Yes & No! The last couple of weeks have been cuh-ray-zee! Three weeks ago, History Buff spent a week camping with my parents so we only had the Celiac Sisters at home with us. Last week Joyful Monkey did "grandparent camp" with my parents! We were supposed to go meet up with them at the beach on Saturday for the fourth of July weekend.
Unfortunately, I came down with a fever on Friday night and just didn't feel like packing up on Saturday. Come Sunday evening, my fever spikes to 104.4. 

It. was. NOT. good.

My parents came back from the beach Sunday night (because my Mom still worries about me). =) JM still stayed the night with them & my sister until Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon we took History Buff and Social Butterfly up to camp...their first camp experience without family. I wasn't about to miss seeing them off to camp no matter how I was feeling. I had been on antibiotics for 22 hrs. And by the time we returned home, I would have surpassed the 24 hrs. I needed so that I could see JM again without risking her exposure. 

I had missed the joy that girl brings to our home. I had missed HER! 

Unbeknownst to me, I would be making a second urgent care visit and had less than a day with my baby before I had to let her go again.

 I won't bore you with all the details of my 2 urgent care visits, the misdiagnosis, and the "evil" doctor. Suffice it to say, I have pneumonia. This accurate diagnosis was given to me last night.

I am so blessed to have people I trust to take care of Joyful Monkey. My husband would have gladly taken care of JM, but I didn't want her to be exposed being couped up in our house with me. And my Mom wanted him to be able to focus on my recovery, so my parents and sister have partnered in caring for JM. They have had their share of D-Care over the past two weeks and I know it's a lot to take on. But, they've done so happily and successfully! 

My rope had come to an end, as far as being able to take care of JM with a level head. My mental capacity and physical ability swung back and forth, pendulum style...not the best way to care for a T1D child.

So thankful for both a Heavenly Father that loves and cares for me & an earthly family who loves and cares for me. I just have to hang on to the knot at the end while I'm recovering and let the rest of my family do the heavy lifting where D is concerned. But "man a livin' " (as my Mom would say), I MISS MY GIRLS!!! I can't wait to go get JM tomorrow and pick up SB & HB on Saturday! We haven't been a full family in 3 weeks!!!

Have I mentioned how much I miss my girlies yet?