Hallie's excitement and enthusiasm for Chris Tomlin's "Our God Is Greater" song parallel's Joyful Monkey's enthusiasm for Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go". Not long after JM's diagnosis, we sang this worship song at church. If you had looked down our row, you probably would have seen many in our family wiping tears from their eyes. The lyrics are so fitting for a Type 1 Diabetic whose hope is in Jesus. It's one of Joyful Monkey's favorites and because it means so much to her, it makes me cry all over again.
In fact, worship time at church has become an emotional affair for me. Worship (corporately in song) has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Until a few months ago, I was a part of the worship team at church, but I just can't do it anymore without crying. And for awhile, that bothered me. Why was I crying? My faith is strong. I'm not questioning my faith. Why am I crying all the time?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not wailing, or even sobbing. But, many a tear slide down my face throughout our corporate worship time on Sunday mornings. And it's not only a happy cry when reminded that we aren't alone in our struggles. It's a BITTERSWEET cry. Bitter because T1D is no joyride. Sweet because we don't take the journey alone.
It was only recently I realized why I'm crying. It's a sacrifice. And sacrifices HURT.
Sacrifice demands surrender, does it not? It's a sacrifice because I'm giving up the "WHY?" and choosing instead to trust Him through the storm. Ultimately, it's the sacrifice of my dreams for His will. It's a constant choice. And sometimes, that HURTS! But even when it hurts, He is so FAITHFUL!
I could turn my back or shake my fist at God. I could be angry and resentful. It's a sacrifice to say "I don't know why you've allowed my baby to struggle with all of this pain but I still choose to praise and honor You because You are the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). You are the same post-T1D diagnosis, as you were pre-T1D diagnosis. And I choose to trust that you will work all these things for good because we love You (Romans. 8:28). Not my will, but Your's be done."
Okay, enough about me crying and back to Kelsey's favorite song. She LOVES the part when it says "Oh no, You never let go...through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go...in every HIGH and every LOW. Oh no, You never let go. Oh, you never let go of me."
She takes comfort in the image of Jesus hanging onto her in every HIGH and every LOW she experiences...a beautiful picture.
The song is on my playlist at the bottom of my blog. If you'd like to see the video, pause the playlist first. ; )
And just to throw it in, our family theme song that we chose right after her diagnosis..."Not Be Shaken" by David Ruis. No real pics but you can hear the song...
OK, now I need a kleenex! This post has touched me more than you can imagine. I, too, have the same problem in church. The worship music just opens the floodgates in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI want more than anything to please the Lord and live out His will for my life. Life throws us things that can easily throw us off balance, diabetes being one. I was just reading in Charles Stanley's new book, Turning the Tide, that we must "lash ourselves to the Lord. We are to be in unity and oneness with Him - securely tied to the Father because He can get us safely through the storm."
What a beautiful illustration of how God lovingly carries us through!
God Bless!
Beautiful!!!! Just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI love that song! And I know how you feel-I cry at church, or even in the car with great music. : ( It's just your tender heart feeling, don't feel bad. You are still touched, and that is good. It's also wonderful for your family to know you care. : ) Hugs to you! : )
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