Roller Coaster Ride with My Guy

So, after having whined and complained, I started feeling pretty guilty. I probably shouldn't blog when I'm tired and frustrated! ; ) Sorry!

Good news, though! My wonderful hubby has taken the D-night shift for the last two days. While I still woke up at 2:45 on my own (apparently I now have an internal alarm for that time), I was able to get some wonderfully restful sleep...Praise the Lord! It's amazing how your outlook changes after some good quality rest. What a roller coaster ride this whole D-life is.

Last Sunday, while at church, Joyful Monkey was falling asleep during worship. That seemed a bit odd, but we had enjoyed a full week and I could see how she would be tired. I didn't want to overreact, but we were a bit concerned. My hubby was like, what the heck...let's just check her to be sure! We were SHOCKED when the meter read "HIGH". We have never before had a reading like that. Had her pump been working? Yes! Her numbers were good all night and before breakfast. Was it kinked or not correctly attached? Nope; everything looked good on inspection. Did her morning bolus go through? Yup! What was going on? Her breakfast was a typical breakfast that she has had many times before. It didn't make sense. However, we needed a plan. We had just changed the set the day before and didn't want to go that route until we knew what was going on. So, we grabbed a syringe and the Novolog to give a correction shot.

We were pretty surprised at how apprehensive JM was to have a shot again. She hadn't had one since we started the pump in July. And she wasn't feeling good...after all, she was over 600! Thankfully it only took a little bit of coaxing. We went to the church library for our "recovery" time. While there, JM and I invented a great game of hair band hockey. The long table made a great "air" hockey table for her hair band. While we passed our time playing hair band hockey in the church library (That is what the church library is for, isn't it?), her numbers steadily dropped.

The rest of the day was uneventful and the pump and set worked perfectly fine. I still have NO CLUE what spiked her that morning. But I am grateful for an ever-persistent husband! In not wanting to overreact, I would have let that BG go.

Just this morning in Sunday School, it was mentioned how having a child with an illness can be a source of relationship stress in a marriage because the wife's main focus becomes the ill child instead of her husband. I am so blessed that my husband and I team up for Joyful Monkey's care. Rather than causing stress in our marriage, I believe it has bonded us all the more. Thank you Lord for the guy you put in the seat next to me on this crazy roller coaster ride!

Burnout

I'm sure that everyone who deals with a T1D, or is a T1D, suffers from this periodically. I'm just tired of it! It's not even that I am wondering "Why?" or feeling sorry for "us". I'm too tired to even feel emotion about it. All I know is that I want a full night's sleep free of worry.

My hubby and I take turns getting up with Joyful Monkey to check BG levels. The problem lies in the fact that even when it's not my turn, I wake up wondering if she was indeed checked and what her number was. He's not getting much sleep either. Little sleep makes for a less-than-ideal household. (My house is a wreck as I just feel too tired to deal with it right now.)

The ultra sad thing is that here I am complaining and I'm not even the one having my finger poked or putting infusion sets on my body or feeling the physical tolls of varying sugar levels. Joyful Monkey will never have a "break" from this. Throughout my life, I'm sure I will have short stints of a D break. This line of thought just makes me more discouraged and frustrated with myself...it's a vicious cycle. I know that the Lord will give me the strength; I just wish I could store some up so I don't have to feel so drained!

So for now, I'm just dreaming about what life will be like when a cure is found (when my thoughts are coherent, that is)...

What do you do when D burnout hits?

An Unfair Opponent...

This week, the DOC has heard of several who have lost their battle with T1D. Hearing these stories and the significance of each loss is devastating! I can't imagine what those families are going through; and to try would be to acknowledge our vulnerability as well. While we know that T1D can kill, we don't like to think of it. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, it is a constant, ever-present thought. It is this very knowledge that drives us to set an alarm, pull ourselves out of bed at 3am, and drag ourselves into our child's room to check blood sugars. We do our very best to care for and watch over these delicate T1Ds.

The problem, however, lies in the fact that even if we were to do every single thing "correctly", T1D doesn't follow the rules. There are so many variables (growth, hormones, activities, nightmares, etc.), that we can never care for our children perfectly. It is in this helplessness, that we continue to do our best, hoping and praying that our child will always wake up the next morning. There have been so many mornings I go to wake up Joyful Monkey and I find myself holding my breath. I guess, I just know that I can't completely control it.

I do know, however, who IS able to control all of JM's blood glucose levels. I must rest in the knowledge of His sovereignty because I know my vulnerability and helplessness. We will walk this walk with the strength He gives us each day. We will pray for a cure. We will pray for those families who lost loved ones this week. And, we will hold our loved ones a bit closer as we're reminded of how fragile life is.

Cupboard Full of Carbs

I'm trying to reduce the daily carb intake for Joyful Monkey. Her basal to bolus ratio as of late has been about 25:75. Trying to get her to 50:50 is going to be a big adjustment. To meet this goal, I need to give her only 5.5 units of bolus each day. This is going to be tricky. As I'm contemplating exactly how this will look, I glance over at my cupboard to find it full of carbs.

I've got to come up with some tempting carb-free or very low carb snacks for her. Other than sugar-free jell-o, peanuts, and a spoonful of peanut butter, she's not really liking anything. She's pretty fickle with veggies. Sometimes she likes them, sometimes she doesn't. Any suggestions from all those wonderful, innovative D-Mamas out there?

Dangers, Toils & Snares...

This evening, Joyful Monkey brought tears to her Mama's eyes. She was singing Amazing Grace at the piano while Papa played. The third verse really caught my attention. I'm not sure I had thought of it through the eyes of T1D before. Her sweet little voice, singing the truth of her life, was just too sweet.

"Through many dangers, toils & snares...I have already come.
'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home."

So small and yet she's already been through so much. Sometimes, our journey with T1D makes the truths we know, even more meaningful.

The day has been pretty crazy, but ending it this way is precious. Yes, it's been a good day.

Thank you Lord, for the grace you give us each day!

My First DOC Post

Dear DOC,

Well, this is my attempt at becoming a part of the DOC (Diabetic Online Community). I have to say, it is quite intimidating. So many of  you are such thoughtful and elegant writers.

While I have the layout "laid out", not all my tabs have been completed. I take that back...the tabs have been completed, but the pages they represent have not been written! Hopefully I'll take care of that soon.

We have been walking this crazy path since May 2009. We have learned a lot, but I can tell by what I read on your blogs that there is SO much more to learn! I look forward to being a more involved member of the DOC.

You have already (unknowingly) been such a great encouragement to me. I hope I can use this blog to encourage others too!

With great anticipation (& a bit of anxiety),
Me